


Guilt and toy cars

by TattoOS



Category: Swimming with men
Genre: Child Abuse, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, M/M, Trauma, the team gets worried, they are soft boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 20:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20233621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TattoOS/pseuds/TattoOS
Summary: Luke’s date with the synchronised swimmer doesn’t go well. He realises that he is gay. He sits in his canal boat for day, missing a practise session. The other boys try to contact him, but he won’t answer. Eric goes to see him, camps outside his canal boat for a few days. Luke eventually opens up to Eric. Eric admits his feelings to Luke. They get it on.





	Guilt and toy cars

**Author's Note:**

> In this Eric and Heather are friends but filing for a divorce, they weren’t happy and no amount of swimming would fix that train wreck. Eric is in the process of moving into a smaller house.

The date did not go well. 

Thinking back, it hadn’t gone badly. It just hadn’t gone as planned. 

It had started good. They had both both dressed up nicely, in a mid-range restaurant, enjoying their second glass of wine. But that was when Susan had started to compliment the date. 

This wouldn’t have been that bad, but comparisons always follow after compliments. And she was comparing Luke to Jonas. 

Jonas, the man that was the professional synchronised swimmer that had the body of a god, was apparently less attractive than Luke. 

Susan had meant it as a good thing but Luke had choked on his drink when he heard it. 

And that was when it started to get even worse. 

“Bullshit!” He had said. “If some God was bored one day and decided to give everyone on the planet anxiety and made then all self-conscious of their bodies, but decided to spice things up a little and send one of his little minions down to pose as a human just to spite everyone, that would be Jonas.” 

Susan had watched him for a few seconds before giving out a full belly laugh. 

Luke wasn’t entirely sure what he had said that was so funny, but from her reaction it looked like he should change career and take up stand-up comedy. 

When she finally stopped laughing, he looked at her in slight confusion.

“I’m sorry, but you just likened Jonas to an angel as both an insult and a compliment.” She still had a smirk hidden behind her glasses. 

“Nah, I said little minions. The fat baby things with the nappies and the archery stuff.” 

“A cherub?” 

“Yeah them.” Luke felt a little smug now, it wasn’t half as much of a compliment now. 

“Like Cupid.” Susan asked,

“Yeah sure, like Cupid.” There was a moments pause, then a small smile showed on her lips. 

“I think you are on a date with the wrong person.” Susan mentioned nonchalantly, leaning forward to take another sip of her wine. 

“What do you mean?” Luke asked, thoroughly confused now.

“It seems that you would prefer to be dating Jonas instead.” 

“Nah, he’s not my type.” Luke answered before he could control himself. He covered his mouth quickly and widened his eyes in horror. 

Susan reached out and gently took his hand away from his mouth and held onto it.

“It’s alright, Luke. I don’t mind, it is almost better because it means that we can continue our professional friendship.” 

Luke was struggling to breath, his heart was pounding and his hands were tarting to feel clammy. 

“I need a few moments.” He choked, as he stood up from the table and looked to where the signs for the toilets were, Susan touched his arm gently again.

“You are going to come back, aren’t you?” Her eyes were looking worried, and Luke knew that he was still her friend and he couldn’t’t just desert her,” 

He nodded briefly and made a bee line to the toilets. He needed some space to think. 

Whilst he was in the bathroom clearing his mind, Susan ordered a bottle of champagne and paid the bill.

When he finally came out, after a good ten minutes in the bathroom, she was waiting with the bottle and two glasses. 

“What’s this?” He asked, feeing much calmer now. 

“A celebration.” She replied, purring the liquid into the glasses.

“Celebration of what?” 

“Of you.” She gave him a glass and clinked the rims together.

“Cheers.” They both drank heavily. 

As they left the restaurant, Susan gave the remains of the bottle to Luke and called him an Uber to take him home. Before he left though she pulled him into a quick hug and whispered a quiet “I’m proud of you.” In his ear.

XXXXXXXXXX

When Eric turned up to practise the next day, the others were stressed.

Ted was sat on the side of the pool, his fingers tapping restlessly on the drains. Ollie was pacing. Kurt was having a meltdown and Rob was nervously biting his fingernails.

“Good afternoon. We all alright?” Eric asked. All of the head of his teammates turned to him.

“Have you seen Luke?” Ollie was looking worried, he stopped pacing and walked closer to Eric. 

“Erm, no. Should I have?” 

At his response everyone groaned, and some mumbled. 

“He hasn’t turned up yet, and isn’t replying to any of our messages.”

“Oh. That’s not like him. Does he get sick often?” Eric could feel himself getting worried over his friend. 

“He doesn’t get sick at all.” Kurt said with surety. “In all the years I have known him, I have only see him ill once, and that was on purpose.” 

“Ok, well does anyone know what he was doing yesterday?” 

XXXXXXXXXX

When he found Luke’s barge, the outdoor lights were off and the curtains were closed. 

Eric could see that there was light inside, but it looked like Luke wasn’t in the mood for guests. 

He thought for a long while before deciding to take steps towards the barge, but eventually Eric knocked on the window.

“Luke, are you ok? We are worried about you.” Eric said softly but loud enough to know that his friend would be able to hear. 

When there was no response form the occupant of the barge, Eric sighed and checked his watch. 

“Alright, well my lunch break is almost over, so I’ve got to go. But message me if you need anything. I'll be back after work just in cases.” Slowly he started to walk away from the barge. 

XXXXXXXXXXX

“Do you promise not to hate me?” A small voice came from inside the barge. Eric frowned and nodded slightly.

“Luke, unless you are a serial killer, there isn’t a thing that could make me hate you.” He replied honestly. 

There was a small sigh from the other side of the door, then slowly it opened. 

Luke was there but he was looking in a bad way. His hair was messy and unkept, the scruff on his face had grown out, and his eyes were red, baggy and tired. Eric melted a little at the sight. 

He stepped forward and pulled the taller man in to a tight embrace. There was no manly patting-of-backs in this hug, this was genuine. 

Soft whimpers, followed by broken sobs eminated from Luke’s hunched shoulders. He kept a tight grip on Eric, who in turn rubbed the other mans back gently.

“What’s wrong, mate? Let me help.” Eric whispered softly in Luke’s ear. Another sad sob escaped Luke’s lips, and finally he pulled away. He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. 

“Have seat, I’ll get some whiskey, then I’ll tell you.” He said, pointing at the sofa, his voice was hoarse and broke slightly as he spoke. 

Eric sat on the sofa, watching his friend carefully. Luke’s hands were shaking and his feet looked cold on the laminate flooring of the barge. When he came to sit next to Eric, he drew his legs up onto the sofa and curled his arms around them, making himself smaller. 

Eric looked at the whiskey that had been put on the coffee table, but pulled is legs up onto the sofa instead, he knew that in the state Luke was in currently, if he started drinking it would be difficult for him to stop. So he sat quietly, looking down at his hands, waiting for Luke to be ready.

Finally, Luke took a deep sigh and reached for the whiskey, taking a sip and nursing the glass between his fingers. 

“I went on a date with Susan.” Luke started, and immediately Eric knew that this was gonna be a tough conversation for Luke.  
“We went on a date and it was fine until we started talking about Jonas.” he took another sip of his whiskey, staring at the glass for a few minutes. 

“And, then I said something that I shouldn’t have.” Luke was still staring at his glass, his eyes didn’t dare look up to see Eric’s face. 

“I saw her today, Luke. She didn’t seem that upset so I don’t think you offended her as much as you think.” Eric provided cautiously. Luke scoffed slightly and finally looked up from his glass. 

“Nah, we are still friends.” Eric frowned at this, maybe he wasn’t fully understanding what Luke was saying.

“If you are still friends then what’s wrong?” He asked, Luke sighed and leaned back into the sofa. He finished off his whiskey and looked at Eric carefully. 

“Did you know that when I turned twelve I was moved into my grandparents house? This was my grandfathers barge, we used to take trips on the weekends to the villages nearby. My mom wasn’t around when i was little, so i was raised by an alcoholic father who had very set ideas about the world.” 

Luke cleared his throat and put his arms into the pockets of his hoodie. 

“This barge was where I got my very first birthday present, I was turning seven. That toy car, over there.” he pointed at a small model car on the shelves. “Me and my Gramps sat for hours building it, I painted and polished it. My grandfather said that I should keep it on this boat so that I could play with it again when I revisited, but it was my first present and I wanted it show my dad what I made. So I took it with me, and showed my dad when he came to pick me up on the Sunday evening. He didn’t even look at it, until I told him that I painted it myself.”

Luke closed is eyes and sniffed.

“That was the first time I broke my nose. He hit me so hard both of my eyes were black and puffy. I had a split lip, and my car was thrown into the canal. I wanted to cry to badly, but he hated seeing me cry, so instead it picked up my backpack and sat in my dad’s car, trying not to blink because it hurt too much.”

Luke wiped his nose and Eric saw fresh tears forming behind his eyelashes. 

“When I went back the net weekend, the car was on that shelf, still intact but smelling like the canal water. My Grandparents didn’t say anything, about the car or the bruises, but that was when they started having me over for more than just the weekend. Until finally my dad got himself killed drink driving and the council moved me to live with my grandparents.” 

He opened his eyes now and looked at Eric with caution.

“My dad made quite a difference on my life. I ended up marrying the first women I dated, and then when she started to get suspicious I ran ooff with a ballerina. It was all to cover it up. I thought it would work, but I needed up back at this barge, with the fucking toy car and a fuck-load of guilt.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy it. ☺️


End file.
